I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
MIDGETS
????
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
