It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize