I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
