It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize