I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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