Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize