i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize