Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
