i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
