I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
