she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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