He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
