I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
