That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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