Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
