I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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