He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
