I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
