You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
