omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
