After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
