You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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