I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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