I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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