what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Success! We fucked roommates!
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