youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
