why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Let's get the cat blown out
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We're too hungover to prance.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
