dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
