i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
