After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
