I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
