i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
