did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
