sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
