so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
