Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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