dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
