3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
