Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
