that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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