she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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