Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
