He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
