so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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