So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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