the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize