I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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