Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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