If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
