I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
