its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
