I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
