mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
