i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
