wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
