i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
