what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
