I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
