I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
