i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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