I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
