and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
