she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
