OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
