I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize