my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
