Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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