If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
