textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
