I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
