Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
