She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
