haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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