i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
